How to get Married in China… : 2008.09

30.9.08

The Wedding Video!

Here is the video of my wedding. Unlike Western weddings, only a video is taken, as your photos were all taken in advance. Below, I spoke of standard wedding traditions. From the video, you can see that each province and in some cases, each city, will have its own variances on this standard tradition. My wedding was in YuanJiang, HuNan Provice. Not having a Chinese family will also change things, as often only the bride's family is present. If you have any questions after viewing this video, feel free to ask!

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29.9.08

Wedding Photos!

When you get married in China, you can expect a full day of taking wedding photos. While in America this would be for an hour or so before the wedding ceremony, these photos will be taken days (or in some cases weeks or months) before the wedding banquet. You can expect to be dresses in many outfits and to be taken to a park to have pictures taken. There, you will likely encounter many other couples having their wedding photos taken too. You will be expected to buy at least one album and probably many very large photographs to be hung up in your home. You can see my wife's and my wedding photos on Facebook at http://www.new.facebook.com/album.php?aid=53206&l=80e1a&id=505257160.

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28.9.08

Local Traditions and Regulations May Vary

It seems that in HuNan Province, there is no need for many of the items I listed as required. The Chinese Consulate does say they are required, so I would still get them all, as the Province you marry in may require them. Better to arrive in China and have too many documents that you do not need than to arrive and be missing documents, delaying the issuance of your marriage certificate. In my case, it was the divorce decree that was not needed, while my wife only needed her I.D. The photo of us together was taken there and affixed to our marriage certificate.

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5.9.08

ADVICE: Communication

Besides phone and emails, a good way to stay in contact with your fiancée and her family in China is by QQ. Learn how to get QQ in English-speaking languages here.

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4.9.08

ADVICE: 5 More Pieces of Advice

She will feed you and feed you, even when you say you are full. The best way to stop this is to do the same to her. Put food in her bowl after she says she is full, and then she will understand she should stop when you are full too. I gained about 10kg in China until I learned this.

That said, you cannot stop her mother, and you should simply eat whatever she gives you until you can get away from the table or convince her that you are done.

If your fianceé uses the phone when you do not think it is appropriate, simply turn off your phone and ask her to turn off the phone at those times. Unless she needs to have it on for work purposes, she will have no problem complying.

Be real. Do not just try to put on a good impression, but be the real you. This is an international relationship, and you should let her know how you really are. After all, the goal is to find someone that you are compatible with. False faces will only cause you misery and heart ache down the line.

If you get sick, you will get a very different treatment than you are used to in the West. Just listen to your wife and do as she says, no matter how much it goes against your Western sensibilities and sense of comfort. Both you and she will be much happier if you do.

3.9.08

ADVICE: 5 Pieces of Advice for Noobs in China

Just a few points of advice for Westerners visiting China.

If you cannot get the hang of the squat toilet, just use the squat while you shower (assuming you are using a typical Chinese bathroom where both are in the same room). Not only will you save paper, but it gives you practice before you have to use one in the wild (a public W.C./toilet) in an emergency situation.

You truly cannot judge a book by its cover. In America and many Western countries, a female wearing transparent and short clothing is often sending a message about her morals. In China, many very moral ladies and even very young girls will wear such clothes just because it is is hot and humid. Do not judge them based on Western sensibilities about modesty.

If you have a Chinese girlfriend or wife, point out what you would like in a store from the outside and then give her the money to go in and buy it after you have passed by. She will get a far better price than you can.

When in China visit the touristy places… but walk about 3 blocks away to see the authentic China. In my experience, people like to see foreigners outside of the tourist traps. Chinese people are friendly and curious about you, and you will get a chance to be a representative of your country and to learn many things that you would not from tourist places.

Always carry your wedding certificate when married. As a waiguoren/laowai (foreigner), there are some places you are not allowed to go. However, with your marriage certificate, you have the same rights to enter many of these places as a Chinese citizen would.