ADVICE: Transitions (for her) Can Be Harder than Expected

A Chinese spouse moving to America has some huge transitions to make. They need to speak a language other than the one they usually use, they have no friends, and they do not know how to get things they are used to buying. How can you help?

I have found that a local Chinese Church is extremely helpful. Even if she is not a Christian, she will be welcomed and taught about the faith. We found one and my wife has made some great lifetime friends, and through talking to them in her native tongue, she decided to be Baptized.

So whether you, or your wife are Christians, or even if not, our experience is that you will be welcomed, whether you are seeking or not, and you will have found a fount of information so vast and strong that it will help your secular needs, as well as any spiritual needs needing to be quenched. We have gotten great advice on Chinese-speaking doctors, stores with the special foods that a Chinese person may want, and great recipe exchanges, among other things.

So much so that my wife wanted me to blog about this for anyone looking to bring their Chinese spouse abroad.


What dates to return to China with your spouse?

Once you have brought your Chinese wife to the West, you will have to go back to see her family and friends. But what days are best to do this? Chinese New Year is optimal for the reasons stated below, but it can be hectic.

The period around Chinese New Year is also the time of the largest human migration, when migrant workers in China, as well as overseas Chinese around the world travel home to have reunion dinners with their families on Chinese New Year's Eve. More interurban trips are taken in mainland China in this 40-day period than the total population of China. This period is called Chunyun (春運 or 春运, Pinyin: chūnyùn).

The Chinese New Year celebrations are marked by visits to kin, relatives and friends, a practice known as "new-year visits" (Chinese: 拜年; pinyin: bàinián). New clothes are usually worn to signify a new year.

The biggest event of any Chinese New Year's Eve is the reunion dinner every family will have. A dish consisting of fish will appear on the tables of Chinese families. It is for display for the New Year's Eve dinner. This meal is comparable to Christmas dinner in the West. In northern China, it is customary to make dumplings (jiaozi 饺子) after dinner and have it around midnight. Dumplings symbolize wealth because their shape is like a Chinese tael. By contrast, in the South, it is customary to make a new year cake (Niangao, 年糕) after dinner and send pieces of it as gifts to relatives and friends in the coming days of the new year. Niangao literally means increasingly prosperous year in year out. After the dinner, some families go to local temples, hours before the new year begins to pray for a prosperous new year by lighting the first incense of the year; however in modern practice, many households hold parties and even hold a countdown to the new lunar year. Beginning in the 1980s, the CCTV New Year's Gala was broadcast four hours before the start of the New Year.

The first day is for the welcoming of the deities of the heavens and earth, officially beginning at midnight. Many people, especially Buddhists, abstain from meat consumption on the first day because it is believed that this will ensure longevity for them. Some consider lighting fires and using knives to be bad luck on New Year's Day, so all food to be consumed is cooked the day before. People also abstain from killing animals. Most importantly, the first day of Chinese New Year is a time when families visit the oldest and most senior members of their extended family, usually their parents, grandparents or great-grandparents.

The second day of the Chinese New Year is for married daughters to visit their birth parents. Traditionally, daughters who have been married may not have the opportunity to visit their birth families frequently. On the second day, the Chinese are extra kind to dogs and feed them well as it is believed that the second day is the birthday of all dogs.

Another family dinner is held on the 8th day of the Chinese New Year to celebrate the eve of the birth of the Jade Emperor.

On the 13th day people will eat pure vegetarian food to clean out their stomach due to consuming too much food over the last two weeks.

The fifteenth day of the new year is celebrated as Yuánxiāo jié (元宵节), otherwise known as Chap Goh Mei in Fujian dialect. Rice dumplings Tangyuan (simplified Chinese: 汤圆; traditional Chinese: 湯圓; pinyin: tāngyuán), a sweet glutinous rice ball brewed in a soup, is eaten this day. Candles are lit outside houses as a way to guide wayward spirits home. This day is celebrated as the Lantern Festival, and families walk the street carrying lighted lanterns.
This day often marks the end of the Chinese New Year festivities.